Happy Belated Hearts Day

As usual, it's been a while since I've posted. Not for lack of ideas, but for lack of time to proofread and post. Today I realized I have 4 posts "in the can", but the journalist in me needs to decide whether they're "timely" enough to post. One post, which I think is a really good one, is about Halloween, so maybe I can hold on to it for this October. Time will tell what happens to that or the others.

But I digress. I really wanted to tell you about my Valentine's Day. I really wasn't feeling it this year and I'm not exactly sure why. But once Johnny told me I had options for our night out , I got excited for several reasons: he took the time to come up with options, they were creative/not our usual go-to date ideas, and they were easy, laid-back, simple fun.

We went to Maryland Live! Casino. It's fairly new and not too far away, so I thought it was a great idea for us to take this opportunity to check it out. We ate at one of their restaurants (not really a restaurant - you order your food, they give you a umber, eventually bring it to your table, then you eat - end of service). We lost $20 each at the 25-cent slots (although I'm sure someone came behind me and hit BIG on my machine). We stopped at The Cheesecake Factory and got me a slice of red velvet cheesecake, and went home. That was it. And it was one of our best dates ever.

And...on top of all that, I got to spend the day at home with my hubby and my boys. I was working, but at least we were all together. Just thought I'd share.

What are Y'all Doing Tonight?

We are visiting family in our hometown this weekend and doing some things to prepare for my sister's wedding next March. A good friend of mine remembered that we'd be around, and sent a text asking, "What are y'all (the hubby and I) doing tonight?" My response was "Hahahahaha", but I really meant something more like "Bruhahahaha!" I continued, "No one has asked me that in YEARS!" I wasn't trying to be a smart ass at all. In part, I think I was amused at the fact that someone thought enough of post-baby-Us to ask us to join them at the last minute on a Saturday night. I was probably more amused at what cornballs we have become, that I couldn't even imagine myself taking my friend up on her offer to join her and her boyfriend on a double-date. 

After sharing the text with the hubby and ROFL at ourselves, I answered the question in my head. Here's how the conversation went - again, in my head: 

Friend: What are y'all doing tonight? 

Me: The same thing I do every night: pray that my kids fall asleep early enough for me to be able to go to bed early.

Let me be clear. I'm not complaining about being a mom (or about the fact that we are two cornballs who couldn't name one social hotspot even if we tried). We have two beautiful, amazing boys who give us more love and joy than anything in this world. I just think it's funny how much our lives have changed now that we're three years into the parenting game. But as I type, I'm remembering the nights when there were no kids...and a lot of options for things to do and people to visit. And we still didn't partake in all of them. So has life really changed that much? Probably not. Is it hilarious that a simple "What are y'all doing?" made us laugh as hard as we did? Yep. 

Spicing Things Up!

The hubby and I have decided to spice things up in our marriage.

GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER...I'm talking about during mealtime.  So, we've decided to do meal theme nights (as was previously suggested by a friend of ours, but only recently did we decide to do it).  We're just a little bored at the dinner table, and thought this would make things better by forcing us to try new recipes within each theme (you'll see those below).  I also hope it'll make things easier so I don't have to worry myself trying to think of things to eat every night.


The plan is below...hopefully I'll remember to come back and give an update on how it's going.  (My memory is really bad these days as I try to keep up with two very active little boys.)

Tex-Mex Mondays (tacos, enchiladas, quesadillas, etc.)
Seafood Tuesdays (we are so not well-versed in seafood, so please share your ideas!!!)
American Wednesdays (anything from burgers and hot dogs to baked chicken, etc.)
Vegetarian Thursdays (just to give us a break from eating meat every day)
Italian Fridays (cheesy goodness!)
Asian Saturdays (this could also include those frozen P.F. Chang's meals, right?)
African/Caribbean Sundays (I REALLY need help with this one...please share recipes!!!)

Maybe this can help you too.  Or, maybe you have a better idea.  Either way, please feel free to share your recipes and meal ideas for all of us who are living Black love.

Edited to add...yeah this meal planning thing never happened.  But maybe it will in the future, so I definitely wanted to post it anyway!

A Minor Change

I'm having trouble putting it into words, but Johnny and I have decided that living Black love is about more than just dating and marriage relationships.  So we're changing up the blog just a little bit.  You'll still see posts about Black love and marriage, but you'll also see a broader range of topics covered.  That's because when you're living Black love, you're experiencing all kinds of things - from planning the perfect engagement, to raising your kids the best way you know how, to looking for ways to keep yourself in top MILF condition. You're navigating relationships with your best girlfriends, while navigating your way through the workforce.  You may be a father looking for the best ways to spend some quality time with your kids, or give your wife a break.

In short, what's on our minds as we navigate our lives is what we're going to write about.  A lot of what we're thinking is probably, at least, some of what's on your mind.  So hopefully you'll get to the point where you just can't wait for that next post.  And hopefully with more to write about, we won't keep you waiting too long.

My Boo

I cannot get this song out of my head!  I'm not talking about the theme song to Nick Jr.'s Team Umizoomi (though that one's in my head too, thanks to my big boy).  I'm talking about the song "My Boo" by Alicia Keys and Usher.  I've always liked the song, but recently it got me to thinking...

I'm always excited when one of my single girlfriends has a new boo.  I'm interested in hearing all about how they met, how he makes her feel, and if she thinks he has the potential to become more serious.  I suppose it's because I can relate.  I remember how it felt when I first started dating Johnny.  I was giddy too.  All day every day.

Now, almost nine years into our relationship, and almost six years into our marriage, I gotta say I'm not quite so giddy.  Not all the time.  And you know why.  Over time, reality sets in.  Things aren't so new and shiny anymore, what was once cute (hair in the sink, socks left behind, smelly farts) now irks the you-know-what out of you, you're paying bills, taking care of kids, killing yourself at work, and the list goes on.  The monotony of life can get the best of you. 

Don't get me wrong, I do have giddy moments - like when Johnny brings home a sweet card, or when we have a date night planned.  But I'd like to get to a place where it feels like it felt back in '04.  All giddy, all the time...or at least a lot more  of the time.  And I want to do what I can to make sure my hubby still feels it too (like how I used to cry early in our long-distance relationship when he had to return home after a weekend together).

I (and everyone out there who's lost their giddy) would appreciate your comments and suggestions on this one.  I'd especially like to hear the perspective of some of you single folks.  How do we get our giddy back?

What is Black Love?

Over the holiday, I had dinner with two good girlfriends of mine, one of whom recently got engaged to her boyfriend. She's Black, he's White. Her good news, along with the most recent installment of Soledad O'Brien's Black in America series on CNN brought to the forefront a question I've been pondering since we started this blog - What exactly is Black Love and how is it defined? (For the record, O'Brien's recent special asked the question, Who is Black in America?  For more, click here to read CNN's In America blog.)

Last spring, Johnny and I had a delicious brunch at Miss Shirley's Cafe in Baltimore. Emphasis on delicious.  It was a quadruple date (plus two of us couples brought our children - it was brunch, after all) with my cousin and her then-fiancé-now-hubby, and two other couples. Part of the meal was spent cheerfully discussing how the engagement went down as well as their wedding plans. During the course of the conversation, the question about the meaning of Living Black Love came up again. My cousin wasn't sure if her relationship was considered Black Love because her guy isn't African-American (he's biracial - White and Puerto Rican). My first thought (and statement, if I remember correctly) was, you're Black, and even if he's not, it is Black Love.

Right?

So, whaddya say? Please don't hesitate to share your thoughts.

Rewriting Those Vows

About a week and a half ago, I received one of several devotionals I see in my email inbox daily.  It's the Moments with You Daily Devotional from Family Life.  It talked about wedding vows - the marriage covenant all of us married folks made with God on our respective wedding days.  The devotional went on to discuss how we make those vows waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before really knowing the person we're marrying - "before years of sharing the same house, the same bathroom, the same dishwasher, the same everything".  And before realizing all the little things that get under our skin about that person.  Even if you lived together beforehand, it's like something clicks once you're married.  Suddenly picking up underwear off the floor, or seeing a bunch of hair in the bathroom sink no longer seems cute.

At the end of the devotional, you're challenged to pray that God keeps you contented in your marriage for the lifetime you vowed to be together (and it talks about how).  It also suggests that you reaffirm your commitment to your spouse in a short letter.  So, I did.  I'll share a few snippets from my new vows to my hubby with you.  Hopefully it will encourage you to take 5 minutes and write a list of new vows to your spouse.  And maybe your spouse will surprise you with some new ones too!

• To love unconditionally (FYI, unconditional love means "regardless of one's qualities or actions")
• To listen
• To show grace (just like God has shown me, and all of us for that matter)

Again, those are just a few.  Please comment below if you thought of any you'd like to share.

This post was inspired by the Moments with You Couples Devotional from September 13, 2012.  If you have trouble finding it through the Family Life site, you can also read it here. 

Do You Like?

Our blog has a new look!  Can you tell what has changed?  We hope you like it.

This new Living Black Love header was created by the very popular and talented Maisha Walton of Integrity Marketing and Consulting.  We cannot thank her enough for capturing the beauty of Black love!

We'll be back soon with a new post...but before we leave, we'd like to wish our friends, The Reeds, a very Happy Anniversary!

Have a great day everyone!

Who's Hot Who's Not?

With the change of temperature in our area this weekend came a reminder that Fall will soon be upon us. In our house, that means the annual "Temperature Wars" are beginning. To be totally honest, they've begun - as of this morning.

I had the windows open in our bedroom because I love a little fresh air when the weather's nice, as long as it doesn't cause too much discomfort with my allergies. Well, I might as well have dropped a nuclear bomb on Johnny because when he saw - no, felt - that cool breeze hit his skin at approximately 5:40 this morning, it was on! "These windows are open?" he asked with a mix of surprise, frustration, and disgust in his voice all at the same time. "Yes", I replied as I made what seemed like my eight-millionth trip to the bathroom this pregnancy, in my summer PJ's that do nothing to help regulate my nightly bouts of sweating like a pig.

After releasing my bladder and exiting the bathroom, I said to Johnny, "I'ma need you to work with me..." As you might notice, I didn't quite finish my thought because he was starting to get a little...frustrated. So I quickly explained myself before it got bad.

I simply told him that I'm sleeping in as few clothes as possible and still (as I mentioned earlier) sweating like a pig every night. I asked (as I do every year, multiple times during the cooler months) since it's getting chillier if maybe he could sleep in...wait for it...wait for it...pajama pants (as opposed to just underwear). And maybe even a long-sleeved shirt! He fought back dirty, with a reply about Johnny Jr., saying something along the lines of, "What if he's cold too?" I hesitated to answer, because of course I don't want my little boy to be uncomfortable at night.  But my thought was, I could just put him in warmer PJ's.

So that's basically where the Battle of the Bedroom Windows ended. This is likely just the first of many this fall and winter. When there are more, I'll be sure to share them as part of this series. In the meantime, if my hubby feels he was inaccurately represented, or simply wants to tell his side of the story on this one, he's free to post his rebuttal.  If any of you have a similar story, or thoughts in general about this, please share them in the comments section below.

That First Kiss

I'm about a week late, I know (I was out of town with my toddler who was tiring me out, a computer connection that wouldn't connect to my laptop, and a lack of desire to write this post using my Blogger app), but I wanted to write about the President and First Lady Obama's first kiss.

Last week, it was reported all over the news (or at least everything that I saw or listened to) that a plaque had been placed at the location of the couple's first kiss.  It happened at a shopping center in Chicago's Hyde Park neighborhood, and the owners of the shopping center had it placed there to commemorate the event.

When I read about it, I saw that the plaque detailed President Obama's account of what happened on that date, and how the kiss happened.  How sweet!  And I'm not just saying that because the date involved one of my faves, ice cream.

So, do you remember your first kiss with your Living Black Love-er?  If not, think about it for a second.  Ask your spouse or significant other if they remember.  If it's been that  long, why not attempt to reenact it, for old times sake?  If nothing else, take a moment to remember how it felt to anticipate that first kiss, and how good that person made you feel in that moment.  Then try to apply those feelings to your relationship today.  I'm no relationship guru, but it can't hurt, right?  I'm gonna try it myself.  Remind me to let you know how it goes...

"Learn to Relax and Stop Worrying"

The title of today's post came from a text I received from my hubby Johnny last night.  It was his response to a text I sent him while visiting a good friend last night.  I was only supposed to pop in, drop something off, and pop out.  But she and I sat and talked for about an hour - it had been a while since we had time to just catch up.  So while there, I sent a text to my hubby just to check in on things and ask if he and Little Johnny were OK, and his response was, "Learn to relax and stop worrying".

I was enjoying my time at my friend's house already, but the text message from Johnny relaxed me even more.  It was a little wake-up call I guess.  And I really needed it.  Especially yesterday.

Yesterday morning, I was off.  All wound-up.  Something just wasn't right with me.  I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I couldn't put into words.  And then we went to church - me and the Johnnys - and our pastor did an altar call (which he rarely does).  I decided to go before God (which I never do when there's an altar call) and had Johnny come with me.  Before I could drop to my knees, tears were falling, and as many of my friends have heard me say, I was 'snottin' (You know when you cry so bad that no amount of sniffling will bring the snot back up your nose?).  It felt good to let it out - I really needed that.  (That's why they call Him an "on time" God.)

I realized - after listening to my pastor's words, talking with my friend, thinking about my life as a wife and mother (and those of my friends) - that a lot of us ladies need to heed my husband's advice.  We stress ourselves out about being a good wife, and world's greatest mom, all while trying to do our best at work.  We troubleshoot all day long (I think even more so at home).  We do, do, do for our immediate and our extended families.  And we feel like we don't have a minute, so we don't take a minute for ourselves.  Then everyone (the blogs, our daily devotionals, the magazines, our friends, you name it) tells us to slow down before we kills ourselves.  And they're right, but that's not the point I'm trying to make here.

Instead of slowing down, I plan to release some of the load (which I guess will ultimately make me feel like I'm slowing down, right?).  I'm going to try my best to let my hubby do more of the troubleshooting in our house.  If something goes not-quite-as-planned with my son, I'm going to try my best not to blame me (or what I ate or didn't eat while pregnant, or the fact that I allowed him to watch one hour too many of Sprout today, or that he cried when I said "no").  I'm going to try to be the best wife I can be for my husband and love him as best I can, God's way.  And I'm going to spend more  time doing me - whether that's purposely planning dinner with the girls, or taking a trip home by myself, or sitting at a friend's house running my mouth for hours.  How else can we keep on Living Black Love?  Our husbands can't do it by themselves, and our children won't know how to love if we're not here to show them.

It's moments like this that make it hard for me to NOT want

to do everything for my boy.  But I guess he can have these moments 

with his daddy, too.

So tell me, what do you do to make time for you?  Or, what will you try your best to do starting today?  Please comment below.

Unity Email Accounts

Raise your hand if you have a joint email address that you and your spouse use.  What about a family email?  I've seen these "joint" email addresses in the past.  I've even created one for us.  We've never used it.  Insert sad face here.  Why the sad face?  I received an email today from a friend, informing us of her new email address - which she shares with her husband.  I think it's a cute idea!  They each still have their own separate accounts but have the joint address for household matters (bills, other accounts) and to make things easier on family and friends when they're sending invites and such to both the Mr. and the Mrs.

The more I think about it, the more sense it might make.  Should we try it?  Will you try it?  Please share!  And thanks to Mr. and Mrs. L for the inspiration for this blog!

LBL Visits the Obamas!

Well...not really. Our friends, Mr. and Mrs. P invited us and 6 other married couples (who are Living Black Love) to go on a White House tour. So technically, we did visit the Obamas' home! The tour was really interesting - I personally enjoyed hearing the little stories as we walked through the different rooms. If you're in the DC area, or are planning a visit, try to make some time to go.

Following the tour, Mrs. P set up a block of time for us to bowl. I'm not going to share details from bowling...it was not good for Johnny and I. But it was nice to spend time with other Black and married couples - in the home of our country's #1 couple who is Living Black Love.

Attached to this post are pics from the event (which took place waaaay back in March. Don't judge, I've been tired lately). Enjoy!

Learning to Wait

I've gotten lots of little nudges lately that are reminding me that I need to learn to wait. The other day I was watching The Wendy Williams Show (no, us teachers didn't have another day off; I had DVR'ed it) and when she came out onto the stage she seemed so humbled by the ovation she received from her audience. In another show, A few days later, she mentioned that she's 48 years old!

Today, as I flipped through the seemingly thousands of channels on Fios (we just switched from DirectTV) looking for a cheesy romantic comedy on the Hallmark Channel, I happened across an episode of one of my old favorites - Gilmore Girls. I thought about one of the co-stars, who I only remembered by her character's name, Sookie, and how 10 years after this episode, she's up for an Oscar. In case you're not familiar with Sookie, or the woman who played her - she's the one from the movie Bridesmaids - the heavyset one who was a relative of the groom (if I'm remembering right). She had some of the funniest lines in the movie! Hence, the reason she's up for an Oscar. Oh, and her real name is Melissa McCarthy. (Here's a link to her website, in case you still don't know who I'm talking about.)

Those are only two examples of real-life, regular people who had to wait - in this case, for their success and celebrity-status. Interestingly enough, this grand success did not come right after they graduated college,or in time for their 30th birthdays (Wendy's 48, Melissa's 41). But it did eventually come.

Stories like these are a helpful reminder that I need to learn to wait for what I want (in my case, a job that allows me done flexibility and an opportunity to write). I was just going to post a short blurb about this on my Facebook status, but then thought about how it could help our loyal followers.

If you're waiting for your chance to live black love, please just learn to wait. Like Wendy and Sookie, don't limit yourself by saying, "If I don't do this by this age/time, I'm not gonna do it." What if they had said those things, and quit before they had a chance to share their talents with us? So, our lesson for today: no time/age limits for when you should be engaged, married, or have kids. Just do the work (as I'm sure they both did) in the meantime to get there. And when you do, you'll be ready for all that comes with that personal success of yours.

That Couple that Prays Together

Why doesn't my body work as quickly as my mind? As I made my way downstairs to sit in front of our laptop, I had in my head exactly what I was going to write in this post. By the time I logged in and ate a few fries (I'm just eating dinner as I am posting this because Little J.Z. refused to fall asleep without me next to him) all of those eloquent thoughts were lost! So, here's my attempt at re-creating my original post.

Whether you are married, engaged, or in a relationship, I'd argue that prayer should be a major part of it. I'd also argue how much easier said than done that is. I pray. Johnny prays. One of us usually prays with our son at meals and before bedtime. But rarely do we pray together - as a pair or as a family. Shame on us!

Today we turned over a new leaf. I was getting ready to leave for work and Johnny stopped me and said he wanted us to pray. Though I was running late, I obliged, and I am so glad I did. First off, it was a great prayer. My hubby is not very detailed, or long-winded when it comes to praying, and he usually sticks to the point. This prayer was not very different than usual, but this time it was about the content of the prayer. I left home feeling ready to overcome any challenges I'd face. I just knew the day would fly by and it would be easy, and I'd have the best day ever because we had prayed.

Well, my day wasn't the happily ever after I had expected. I had to drag a student out from under her desk at lunch time, my grade level chair reminded me of more work that needed to be done in addition to the laundry list of things I was already behind on, and the more time that passed, the more busy and talkative and disobedient my students became. So no, our family prayer this morning didn't make my day any easier, but it did make my day more bearable. Somehow, I was able to better cope with all of the mess I dealt with today. And somehow, it didn't feel as bad as it usually does when those things happen. Johnny said it helped him too.

So why not pray with your spouse or your honey? If you have children, include them in your prayers too. I've never known prayer to hurt a situation. Have you?

Oh...and if you don't know how to pray, it's soooo simple. Just talk to God. I always start by thanking Him for whatever I am thankful for, because He's the one who's provided those things to me. Then I ask him for whatever I need help with or guidance on.

One Plus for January 19, 2012

I am on a mission to say one positive (hence the plus) thing about my husband per day. It's so easy to focus on what our spouses are not doing (I'm soooo guilty), but we all need to challenge ourselves to keep a "glass half-full" outlook on our marriages - and everything else, for that matter.

Please share your One Plus about your spouse below or tweet them to us @livingblacklove (#1Plus). It's all about strengthening our relationships and this is an easy way to do it.

Is Your Tank Full?

Lately, if I do something that Johnny likes or appreciates, and I do it just for him, he'll say, "My tank is full." Then he'll make this gulp, gulp, gulp sound similar to gas being pumped into a car. I've been giving him a similar response if he does something nice for me. It's become our running joke, but it didn't come out of left field. It's a reference to a book we've both read, that I've studied in my small group (shout out to the ladies, past and present, of Women in Marriage at Zion Church!), and from which our pastor Keith Battle, has preached a whole series.

The book is The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. It's a thin book, a quick read, and very insightful. I'll spare you the details (mainly because it's worth your while to pick up the book. That, and the fact that I've been trying to finish this post for a week!). But I will ask...what do you think you love language is? And do you have any idea what love language your significant other speaks?

Excellente!

Johnny and I just got back from our fifth wedding this year (all of which united couples who are Living Black Love, by the way). Congrats to the new Mr. and Mrs. Thomas!

The wedding was beautiful, as all weddings are, but this one was extra-beautiful because it took place in beautiful Cancun, Mexico. (And yes, the trip was well-worth three "beautifuls".) Just as beautiful as the wedding was the resort where we stayed. It was the Excellence Playa Mujeres. Johnny and I have been to a few resorts (in Jamaica, Aruba, and Puerto Rico) in our years together. In comparison, those places were like LeBron vs. me (I'm 5'1") on the basketball court - no contest.

The Excellence was truly the nicest place we've ever been. Although we've only been to a handful of international destinations, this was probably the nicest place you've been, too. I can't wait to go to another Excellence Resort! Couples retreat, anyone???

Johnny having one of many all-inclusive drinks
(this was actually during the wedding reception)



Johnny and I at the wedding

Me hanging out on the balcony of our hotel room

One of the views from our balcony...

Another view...


And another. And our room was one of the least expensive the
resort offers.

I Love the Reeds!

Though I do love our real-life friends "C" and "D" Reed, they aren't the Reeds I speak of. I'm talking about the fictional family from BET's new show, "Reed Between the Lines". Not only are they easy on the eyes (dang, Malcolm-Jamal Warner!), but you can tell that they have a lot of love for each other. I love a good show with a good family dynamic.

Alex (played by Warner) and Carla (played by one of my all-time faves, Tracee Ellis Ross) are Living Black Love. They're really into each other. Both have careers, but their main focus is family. Alex and Carla always make time for their kids, whether it's teaching them a life lesson or sharing a laugh. More importantly, they put each other first. I've noticed that in every episode, there's a scene where they have some time alone. That's so important in a marriage - especially when there are children involved.

Something else that stood out to me is the fact that the oldest two children, twins Keenan and Kaci, are not Alex's biological children. That's something I'm sure many couples who are Living Black Love deal with every day. If you happened to miss the episode where that part of the story was mentioned, you'd never know! Alex's patience and love for the twins is no different than his actions toward the Reed's youngest (biological daughter), Alexis. And the same goes for Keenan and Kaci. The whole family just loves on one other. I love it!

Honestly, "Reed Between the Lines" gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside every time I watch. Now I'm just waiting to see how Alex and Carla's first big fight turns out...

Living Black Love Is...

• Spending the day with your hubby and your first child on his very first birthday.



• Seeing your husband beam with pride as the child the two of you created gets his first haircut.



• Taking photographs together in celebration of the day and wearing a smile (a real one).



• Opening birthday gifts together with your son who cares more about the pen you're writing with than the gifts that are being opened.



• Getting into a little spat with your hubby while opening said gifts, and knowing how to squash it and move on.



• Taking your little man to one of his favorite places - day care - to celebrate with his friends.



• Thanking God for blessing you with the hardest two jobs in the world - wife and mother.