Rewriting Those Vows

About a week and a half ago, I received one of several devotionals I see in my email inbox daily.  It's the Moments with You Daily Devotional from Family Life.  It talked about wedding vows - the marriage covenant all of us married folks made with God on our respective wedding days.  The devotional went on to discuss how we make those vows waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before really knowing the person we're marrying - "before years of sharing the same house, the same bathroom, the same dishwasher, the same everything".  And before realizing all the little things that get under our skin about that person.  Even if you lived together beforehand, it's like something clicks once you're married.  Suddenly picking up underwear off the floor, or seeing a bunch of hair in the bathroom sink no longer seems cute.

At the end of the devotional, you're challenged to pray that God keeps you contented in your marriage for the lifetime you vowed to be together (and it talks about how).  It also suggests that you reaffirm your commitment to your spouse in a short letter.  So, I did.  I'll share a few snippets from my new vows to my hubby with you.  Hopefully it will encourage you to take 5 minutes and write a list of new vows to your spouse.  And maybe your spouse will surprise you with some new ones too!

• To love unconditionally (FYI, unconditional love means "regardless of one's qualities or actions")
• To listen
• To show grace (just like God has shown me, and all of us for that matter)

Again, those are just a few.  Please comment below if you thought of any you'd like to share.

This post was inspired by the Moments with You Couples Devotional from September 13, 2012.  If you have trouble finding it through the Family Life site, you can also read it here. 

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Our blog has a new look!  Can you tell what has changed?  We hope you like it.

This new Living Black Love header was created by the very popular and talented Maisha Walton of Integrity Marketing and Consulting.  We cannot thank her enough for capturing the beauty of Black love!

We'll be back soon with a new post...but before we leave, we'd like to wish our friends, The Reeds, a very Happy Anniversary!

Have a great day everyone!

Who's Hot Who's Not?

With the change of temperature in our area this weekend came a reminder that Fall will soon be upon us. In our house, that means the annual "Temperature Wars" are beginning. To be totally honest, they've begun - as of this morning.

I had the windows open in our bedroom because I love a little fresh air when the weather's nice, as long as it doesn't cause too much discomfort with my allergies. Well, I might as well have dropped a nuclear bomb on Johnny because when he saw - no, felt - that cool breeze hit his skin at approximately 5:40 this morning, it was on! "These windows are open?" he asked with a mix of surprise, frustration, and disgust in his voice all at the same time. "Yes", I replied as I made what seemed like my eight-millionth trip to the bathroom this pregnancy, in my summer PJ's that do nothing to help regulate my nightly bouts of sweating like a pig.

After releasing my bladder and exiting the bathroom, I said to Johnny, "I'ma need you to work with me..." As you might notice, I didn't quite finish my thought because he was starting to get a little...frustrated. So I quickly explained myself before it got bad.

I simply told him that I'm sleeping in as few clothes as possible and still (as I mentioned earlier) sweating like a pig every night. I asked (as I do every year, multiple times during the cooler months) since it's getting chillier if maybe he could sleep in...wait for it...wait for it...pajama pants (as opposed to just underwear). And maybe even a long-sleeved shirt! He fought back dirty, with a reply about Johnny Jr., saying something along the lines of, "What if he's cold too?" I hesitated to answer, because of course I don't want my little boy to be uncomfortable at night.  But my thought was, I could just put him in warmer PJ's.

So that's basically where the Battle of the Bedroom Windows ended. This is likely just the first of many this fall and winter. When there are more, I'll be sure to share them as part of this series. In the meantime, if my hubby feels he was inaccurately represented, or simply wants to tell his side of the story on this one, he's free to post his rebuttal.  If any of you have a similar story, or thoughts in general about this, please share them in the comments section below.

That First Kiss

I'm about a week late, I know (I was out of town with my toddler who was tiring me out, a computer connection that wouldn't connect to my laptop, and a lack of desire to write this post using my Blogger app), but I wanted to write about the President and First Lady Obama's first kiss.

Last week, it was reported all over the news (or at least everything that I saw or listened to) that a plaque had been placed at the location of the couple's first kiss.  It happened at a shopping center in Chicago's Hyde Park neighborhood, and the owners of the shopping center had it placed there to commemorate the event.

When I read about it, I saw that the plaque detailed President Obama's account of what happened on that date, and how the kiss happened.  How sweet!  And I'm not just saying that because the date involved one of my faves, ice cream.

So, do you remember your first kiss with your Living Black Love-er?  If not, think about it for a second.  Ask your spouse or significant other if they remember.  If it's been that  long, why not attempt to reenact it, for old times sake?  If nothing else, take a moment to remember how it felt to anticipate that first kiss, and how good that person made you feel in that moment.  Then try to apply those feelings to your relationship today.  I'm no relationship guru, but it can't hurt, right?  I'm gonna try it myself.  Remind me to let you know how it goes...

"Learn to Relax and Stop Worrying"

The title of today's post came from a text I received from my hubby Johnny last night.  It was his response to a text I sent him while visiting a good friend last night.  I was only supposed to pop in, drop something off, and pop out.  But she and I sat and talked for about an hour - it had been a while since we had time to just catch up.  So while there, I sent a text to my hubby just to check in on things and ask if he and Little Johnny were OK, and his response was, "Learn to relax and stop worrying".

I was enjoying my time at my friend's house already, but the text message from Johnny relaxed me even more.  It was a little wake-up call I guess.  And I really needed it.  Especially yesterday.

Yesterday morning, I was off.  All wound-up.  Something just wasn't right with me.  I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I couldn't put into words.  And then we went to church - me and the Johnnys - and our pastor did an altar call (which he rarely does).  I decided to go before God (which I never do when there's an altar call) and had Johnny come with me.  Before I could drop to my knees, tears were falling, and as many of my friends have heard me say, I was 'snottin' (You know when you cry so bad that no amount of sniffling will bring the snot back up your nose?).  It felt good to let it out - I really needed that.  (That's why they call Him an "on time" God.)

I realized - after listening to my pastor's words, talking with my friend, thinking about my life as a wife and mother (and those of my friends) - that a lot of us ladies need to heed my husband's advice.  We stress ourselves out about being a good wife, and world's greatest mom, all while trying to do our best at work.  We troubleshoot all day long (I think even more so at home).  We do, do, do for our immediate and our extended families.  And we feel like we don't have a minute, so we don't take a minute for ourselves.  Then everyone (the blogs, our daily devotionals, the magazines, our friends, you name it) tells us to slow down before we kills ourselves.  And they're right, but that's not the point I'm trying to make here.

Instead of slowing down, I plan to release some of the load (which I guess will ultimately make me feel like I'm slowing down, right?).  I'm going to try my best to let my hubby do more of the troubleshooting in our house.  If something goes not-quite-as-planned with my son, I'm going to try my best not to blame me (or what I ate or didn't eat while pregnant, or the fact that I allowed him to watch one hour too many of Sprout today, or that he cried when I said "no").  I'm going to try to be the best wife I can be for my husband and love him as best I can, God's way.  And I'm going to spend more  time doing me - whether that's purposely planning dinner with the girls, or taking a trip home by myself, or sitting at a friend's house running my mouth for hours.  How else can we keep on Living Black Love?  Our husbands can't do it by themselves, and our children won't know how to love if we're not here to show them.

It's moments like this that make it hard for me to NOT want

to do everything for my boy.  But I guess he can have these moments 

with his daddy, too.

So tell me, what do you do to make time for you?  Or, what will you try your best to do starting today?  Please comment below.

Unity Email Accounts

Raise your hand if you have a joint email address that you and your spouse use.  What about a family email?  I've seen these "joint" email addresses in the past.  I've even created one for us.  We've never used it.  Insert sad face here.  Why the sad face?  I received an email today from a friend, informing us of her new email address - which she shares with her husband.  I think it's a cute idea!  They each still have their own separate accounts but have the joint address for household matters (bills, other accounts) and to make things easier on family and friends when they're sending invites and such to both the Mr. and the Mrs.

The more I think about it, the more sense it might make.  Should we try it?  Will you try it?  Please share!  And thanks to Mr. and Mrs. L for the inspiration for this blog!

LBL Visits the Obamas!

Well...not really. Our friends, Mr. and Mrs. P invited us and 6 other married couples (who are Living Black Love) to go on a White House tour. So technically, we did visit the Obamas' home! The tour was really interesting - I personally enjoyed hearing the little stories as we walked through the different rooms. If you're in the DC area, or are planning a visit, try to make some time to go.

Following the tour, Mrs. P set up a block of time for us to bowl. I'm not going to share details from bowling...it was not good for Johnny and I. But it was nice to spend time with other Black and married couples - in the home of our country's #1 couple who is Living Black Love.

Attached to this post are pics from the event (which took place waaaay back in March. Don't judge, I've been tired lately). Enjoy!

Learning to Wait

I've gotten lots of little nudges lately that are reminding me that I need to learn to wait. The other day I was watching The Wendy Williams Show (no, us teachers didn't have another day off; I had DVR'ed it) and when she came out onto the stage she seemed so humbled by the ovation she received from her audience. In another show, A few days later, she mentioned that she's 48 years old!

Today, as I flipped through the seemingly thousands of channels on Fios (we just switched from DirectTV) looking for a cheesy romantic comedy on the Hallmark Channel, I happened across an episode of one of my old favorites - Gilmore Girls. I thought about one of the co-stars, who I only remembered by her character's name, Sookie, and how 10 years after this episode, she's up for an Oscar. In case you're not familiar with Sookie, or the woman who played her - she's the one from the movie Bridesmaids - the heavyset one who was a relative of the groom (if I'm remembering right). She had some of the funniest lines in the movie! Hence, the reason she's up for an Oscar. Oh, and her real name is Melissa McCarthy. (Here's a link to her website, in case you still don't know who I'm talking about.)

Those are only two examples of real-life, regular people who had to wait - in this case, for their success and celebrity-status. Interestingly enough, this grand success did not come right after they graduated college,or in time for their 30th birthdays (Wendy's 48, Melissa's 41). But it did eventually come.

Stories like these are a helpful reminder that I need to learn to wait for what I want (in my case, a job that allows me done flexibility and an opportunity to write). I was just going to post a short blurb about this on my Facebook status, but then thought about how it could help our loyal followers.

If you're waiting for your chance to live black love, please just learn to wait. Like Wendy and Sookie, don't limit yourself by saying, "If I don't do this by this age/time, I'm not gonna do it." What if they had said those things, and quit before they had a chance to share their talents with us? So, our lesson for today: no time/age limits for when you should be engaged, married, or have kids. Just do the work (as I'm sure they both did) in the meantime to get there. And when you do, you'll be ready for all that comes with that personal success of yours.

That Couple that Prays Together

Why doesn't my body work as quickly as my mind? As I made my way downstairs to sit in front of our laptop, I had in my head exactly what I was going to write in this post. By the time I logged in and ate a few fries (I'm just eating dinner as I am posting this because Little J.Z. refused to fall asleep without me next to him) all of those eloquent thoughts were lost! So, here's my attempt at re-creating my original post.

Whether you are married, engaged, or in a relationship, I'd argue that prayer should be a major part of it. I'd also argue how much easier said than done that is. I pray. Johnny prays. One of us usually prays with our son at meals and before bedtime. But rarely do we pray together - as a pair or as a family. Shame on us!

Today we turned over a new leaf. I was getting ready to leave for work and Johnny stopped me and said he wanted us to pray. Though I was running late, I obliged, and I am so glad I did. First off, it was a great prayer. My hubby is not very detailed, or long-winded when it comes to praying, and he usually sticks to the point. This prayer was not very different than usual, but this time it was about the content of the prayer. I left home feeling ready to overcome any challenges I'd face. I just knew the day would fly by and it would be easy, and I'd have the best day ever because we had prayed.

Well, my day wasn't the happily ever after I had expected. I had to drag a student out from under her desk at lunch time, my grade level chair reminded me of more work that needed to be done in addition to the laundry list of things I was already behind on, and the more time that passed, the more busy and talkative and disobedient my students became. So no, our family prayer this morning didn't make my day any easier, but it did make my day more bearable. Somehow, I was able to better cope with all of the mess I dealt with today. And somehow, it didn't feel as bad as it usually does when those things happen. Johnny said it helped him too.

So why not pray with your spouse or your honey? If you have children, include them in your prayers too. I've never known prayer to hurt a situation. Have you?

Oh...and if you don't know how to pray, it's soooo simple. Just talk to God. I always start by thanking Him for whatever I am thankful for, because He's the one who's provided those things to me. Then I ask him for whatever I need help with or guidance on.

One Plus for January 19, 2012

I am on a mission to say one positive (hence the plus) thing about my husband per day. It's so easy to focus on what our spouses are not doing (I'm soooo guilty), but we all need to challenge ourselves to keep a "glass half-full" outlook on our marriages - and everything else, for that matter.

Please share your One Plus about your spouse below or tweet them to us @livingblacklove (#1Plus). It's all about strengthening our relationships and this is an easy way to do it.

Is Your Tank Full?

Lately, if I do something that Johnny likes or appreciates, and I do it just for him, he'll say, "My tank is full." Then he'll make this gulp, gulp, gulp sound similar to gas being pumped into a car. I've been giving him a similar response if he does something nice for me. It's become our running joke, but it didn't come out of left field. It's a reference to a book we've both read, that I've studied in my small group (shout out to the ladies, past and present, of Women in Marriage at Zion Church!), and from which our pastor Keith Battle, has preached a whole series.

The book is The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. It's a thin book, a quick read, and very insightful. I'll spare you the details (mainly because it's worth your while to pick up the book. That, and the fact that I've been trying to finish this post for a week!). But I will ask...what do you think you love language is? And do you have any idea what love language your significant other speaks?